Going insane in Ulaanbaatar

The novelty of the Big City Life war off in about 36 hours after we had eaten 4 or so proper meals. we quickly came to realise that we needed to get out of there but with our only option until the 27th beng to get on another tour (which involved having to pack and, of course, money) we ended up staying put.

our first night in town me, pierre, paul and craig went out to a few bars where and then headed to teh best club in town called Metropolis, or 'Metro' as the locals called it. it was a thursday night so after being there for about 45 minutes the music stopped (at 2). the lads started chatting with these mongolian gangsters and i went over to the girl who'd been giving me eyes since we'd been there. i didnt quite catch her name but she was like 'i like you can i have your number?' at this point i bring out teh cheese and say 'no you cant only until you give me a kiss' the genius ploy worked and i gave her my number and she went home cos she had to start work at 9 the next day. i went back to the guys and they were still chattin getting some free vodka, i started trying to chat in russian to there ukranian friend but he preferred for some reason to speak in french. the fat mongolian guy who pierre paul and craig were talking to kept calling me iranian so i told him why i was dark skinned and later on when he asked me why my trousers so low i said thats the style, and he replied 'oh thats so nigger!' cunt. one of women asked me where i was from and said england 'but you are dark skinned' 'yeh i'm part african' 'oh, you are very handsome' - i think she was a hooker though. outside i challenged one of them for a wrestle, the fat mongolia pulled down my pants that were showing i went to adjust them and duly lost, then teh gangsters invited us back to there hotel but we didnt want to get robbed and raped.

next morning i woke up quite early to fins some peng french woman in my room, i put my headphones to chill out with some music and admired her massive boobies. then i got a text! 2 things made me laugh histerically recieving worried looks from the french bird. the first thing was the text said MORNING PRETTTTTTTTYYYYYY!!!!!! the second thing was that i had saved teh girl on my phone as 'Mongolia Bitch'. that breakfast even though i wasnt that hungr i stayed and ate with teh french girl just cos all you want when ur hungover are some nice boobies. a side effect of this was that in order to not look weird and act as if i was just sitting there to be with her, i made 4 cups of coffee and trhe result is evident in my post for shanghai. my attention span for teh rest of that day was about 2 seconds. Paul left us that morning, probably the cleverest move out of all of us, the whole week previous we had been taking the piss saying that after 7 days in a car he would immediately be doing 5 days on the train, but he had the last laugh.

otherwise in Ub we didnt do much, we found ourselves in metro the next night surrounded by infinite amounts of beautiful women all cockteases, we met some russian students who wanted us to meet up with them later but i had my beanie and pierre couldnt be bothered. we spent most of our days drinking coca-cola and playing counter strike, watching prettymuch teh entire hostel dvd collection, we checked out a few sites like the black market, the dinosaur museum and i checked out the main monastry in town, but otherwise it was just the same feeling of dispair everyday waking up in the same bed being. having such a repetitive cycle of soing nothing tends to make yopu go crazy and i'm not talking the MC Verse sense of the phrase. Steve the big canadian, who went to moscow on the tuesday was already feeling it and he was only in Ub for 4 days, we were there for 10.

I leave you with a song:

"QUE SERA, SERA. WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE. WE'RE STUCK IN FUCKING UB. QUE SERA, SERA..."